Last Update : June 6, 2017
It is said that the quest for love is one of the most challenging quests in life. But what happens when you find love, you enjoy it and then it ends?
Couples and relationships have started to also become an important focus in our modern times. How to nurture love? How to love? How to be happy and in a healthy relationship? How can you make a relationship work?
Sometimes people are so focused on finding love, finding an ideal love that when they actually have it, they forget what they were looking for…until love vanishes and the relationship ends.
What then? Do you know the key to a quick recovery after a breakup?
One of the biggest problems of breakups, especially after long-term relationships, is the feeling that everything is lost, that life is unbalanced, and that you don’t even know who you are anymore.
It is understandably a scary feeling, however, it is a perfectly normal feeling that you have to bravely face.
After having been in a long-term relationship, life becomes a life in couple. Your routine becomes a routine of two, your preferences, your habits, etc.
It is essential to always preserve some personal space, but even if some personal space has been kept away during the whole relationship, you have actually built a life with somebody. You have build a routine in couple, when that routine stops, it definitely feels like the world is also stopping with you.
A life together, a routine together, can go from little things: as waking up next to your partner, meeting every Tuesday night at the cinema to watch a film… to bigger things as buying a house together, starting a family, etc.
Sadly, sometimes the level of involvement in your relationship won’t reduce the impact of a breakup.
After all, a breakup is a loss. The loss of love, the loss of the loved one. In that sense, it is completely normal (and healthy) to mourn the loss of that love, to mourn your life and to mourn your routine.
After a breakup you feel lost, you might even feel empty, and you will mourn. You will mourn everything you had but didn’t see or perhaps didn’t appreciate enough. You will mourn everything you wish you would have had and never arrived, you will mourn the initial love, the love it turned out to be, the love it could have been. You will mourn every single defect of your partner and the moments of happiness and sadness that you shared.
And what is more important: you should mourn, you should allow yourself to feel lost, to be lost. You should take it as a complete catharsis with a greater aim: rediscovering yourself.
You will have to adapt to your new situation, but instead of thinking that everything is lost, you should think about all the new doors that will open in front of you. Everything that you can discover, learn from, experience… bottom line, you can start to be with you again. A new you, a new you after having experienced love. Definitely, a more complete you.
When love stops, it is definitely a loss, but you shouldn’t feel empty, as you know that this new you is a person that has experienced love from beginning to end, a person that has experienced being balanced and being lost, a person that is being reborn. Life continues, life surprises and you should always embrace it.
Love is a devastating experience. And yet, we are all looking for love.
True love, romantic love, passionate love, eternal love, meaningful love, the list goes on and on.
Whichever kind of love was yours, yes, it might have finished, but you have been one of the lucky people to actually have experienced it.
Love, after all, is an experience. The experience of feeling alive, of having emotions, of loving, crying, sharing, the experience of existing with and through somebody else.
We tend to think that we exist because we feel, and why not?
The same thing happens with breakups, sometimes we need to feel the breakup to actually realize that our love existed. We thought that the other person was our salvation, and it turns out that nobody else can be your salvation the same way you can’t save the people you love.
Indeed, an existential impotence, that, however, should be contrasted with the realization that love came and left. But you experienced it.
You will never be the same, you will be better, more evolved, perhaps wounded, but wounded from living, from experience, from sharing your life, from having loved and having been loved.
Once you’ve mourned, accepted your experience, and embrace the rediscovery of yourself, you’ll be ready to open your heart again, for new adventures, new experiences, new sensations, new ways of feeling alive and experiencing your life.